Saturday, March 14, 2015
INSIDIOUS LANGUAGE
Her work as a mother overwhelms and exhausts
her frequently; another dynamic she is dealing with is generational abuse
issues manifesting in the relationship of her and her childrens' father. She
asks herself if she should give the children to someone who could raise them
financially better than she could; because in that moment she has no hope for
herself caring for them. Should she, in search of her own truest happiness;
give up the children.
So then, it would seem the question is does she
want the children. The answer is yes, but the society she lives in is so
twisted, her energy becomes exerted by the mundane and daily, general, mental
and physical exertions required. What I mean is, “It” has been set up for so
long and ----I digress.
What is “It” you may be asking. “It” is the Generational Institutional Systemic Marginalization (GISM) of people of color. As an
individual who was born into the same system that claims my citizenship from
stealing my ancestors (people), and my true forefathers from their land; I
detest the false platitudes of the elite, I detest the colloquial “white
elephant in the room” that is racism; or more pertinently, the dehumanization
of people of color. The magnitude of shame, dysfunction, criminalization,
sexualization, marginalization, institutionalization, exploitation,
degradation, pacification, and de-moralization of people of color is; and I use
this word with pursed lips; “disproportionate” in light of our cultural
counterparts.
Paradoxically, I chose the “red pill”, this has
proven to come with its’ own consequences. What I can suggest to you as a
result of my experience is that I have humbled myself to the fact that I do not
know what I do not know until I learn I did not know “It”, pun intended. My
journey down the proverbial “Rabbit Hole”; has been a journey and is best
described, by what I have coined as “my process of processing my process”---in
that, I find hope. I digressed earlier in the writing to illustrate “It” and a
foundation for future reference to “It”. Using this as a foundation for this
writing, I continue.
She decides in that moment based on her
hopelessness that she is going to ask a friend; a friend she had previously
conversed with on the subject to keep her children. The conditions discussed for
this arrangement are that parental rights are turned over and terminated.
Now the friend is a very stable individual,
tenured in the US Military, nice home and loving family. I find the need to
mention, the single mother has no family and though she has many acquaintances;
she has not been able to tap into the energy that would create a safety
net/support system. Feeling dismal and hopeless, looking at the effect(s) of
her affect, she asks her children; “if I could find you a new mommy, who could
buy you everything a little child could have, would you want to trade me in?”
The children emphatically reply “no” and although this response should make her
feel really good. “It” only sends her spiraling further down the staircase of
unworthiness and despair. She has been convinced that she is not good enough
and her children deserve better than her. She feels that although she can fully
equip them with the spirit of life, sustainable life-----because she had not
earned the finances to seamlessly rear her children; that is the amount of her
value. The single mother in this space of her life feels as though she cannot
sufficiently apply herself to her work as a single mom. The space she is in,
her choice to take the “Red Pill”, her ever looming responsibilities, her lack
of per diem and other factors make it very easy for the single mother to deny
herself opportunities. If you could bear with me, I must take a moment to
further illustrate the “It” factor.
The single mother, in her current life category
feels stuck. In this space, the “It” factor and the pursuant GISM has affected
her in such a way; the weight of having the full and dedicated responsibility
of raising her children, is more than she can mentally endure. Her greatest
desire is to build Nations in and through her children and to manifest the
vision of a Divine family. In her current space she has run out of gas for hope
and feels as though her earnings, life trajectory; or lack thereof; and track
record are less than acceptable for her beautiful children. She continues to
question her application of parenting simply because there is, all too
frequently more month than money. No matter what is sacrificed. Now, let me
address the impetus of this writing.
Now let me state for the record her
illustration truly resonated with me; she goes on to say, “…I wasn’t doing
anything with my gift…I was tired of having potential, I wanted my now…I have to
be willing to drastically transform myself so that I can become the woman that
I know I can be…I was radical…”
Steve interjects and asks “what did you do to
change your life?” She begins her
response by saying “First, I realized I couldn’t grow with people who were
struggling like me… I don’t want to stay with yall (jokingly)…it
doesn’t make me any less committed to my community, any less committed to my
culture, committed to my family; the best thing I can do is not stay here
with you…When I got that I went to places I had never seen before… I went to
the same conference 42 times…I am my rescue no one else is my rescue, I am my
rescue…”Further in the conversation Steve Harvey states
his father told him “…the best thing you can do for poor people is not be one
of them…I got to do something if I want to go back to effectively change some
people’s lives”. Lisa further in the
conversation asks; in reference to the lengths one must go to transform; “are
you willing to do something you have never done before?...”
The fact that a well bodied, skillful
individual only has these two choices as options, is key and
parcel to “It” on all accounts. The fact she feels this way, the fact the
friend is only willing to help her if she relinquishes custody (control), the
fact the children’s father is not present and counted for in the comprehensive position
of father, raising their children; the outcomes are related to GISM. All have
experienced as a result of white supremacy and the generational deficit in
socioeconomic growth and personal development of people of color. The consistent
and benign erosion of innateness, known as soul, is washed away for simply “being
while black”. Feeling devalued, labeled low income and impoverished on paper;
for over a decade; made her feel that way.
I share this to juxtapose an ideal----there is
an African proverb that says I AM because you are. The thinking that resonates
in this interview, for me is “radical individualism”---it is a very coded
language and one has to know how to decipher.The thought of one bringing themselves up from
the bootstraps, being the backbone of America is pure fuckery. America is built
on the backs of black people’s free labor and we labored in corporations that
still profit from our individual lineage labor today. The corporations also
exert an extra helping of fuck you and white supremacy by double dipping as we
continue to labor and support these corporations our individual lineages built.
How, then, is the come back for the come up, specifically for people of color,
to pull yourself up? The current
power structure and its’ talking heads request of us that which they did not
even do. They also had the open opportunity to intermingle, collaborate and
plan. Every black power group, individual or entity that gained or gains a
foothold in uniting people of color have been systematically destroyed and
murdered. A precedent and prime fact that speaks for itself.
However, the labeling and subjugation of black
people coupled with “radical individualism” is the perfect recipe for niggers
and nigger behavior. Which, could, ultimately have an anti trajectory effect on
individuals working to apply this practice through their own understanding. A
current popular phrase is, “I gotta do what I gotta do”. That mentality
perpetuates all types of behavior, my humble assessment. What I heard conveyed through
this interview, is the foundation for one to:1. “do what thou wilt”
The
premise is until you get happy you cannot do anything for anyone else. Which, I
wholly agree with, however, if I make a permanent decision to a temporary
problem; don’t I run the risk of ultimately placing myself in a worse long term
position than where I started? Assuming
the backlash of permanent solutions to temporary problems is the crux of
melanated people’s pain, historically. How, then, do we continue to justify
self propelling behaviorisms, that serve the individual as opposed to the
collective? I make no intimation that either Steve or Lisa has been selfish in
their personal accrual of fame and fortune; but if the single mother
relinquishes her rights and as a result becomes famous, rich and philanthropic.
What did/does she do with the pain of giving her children up for that. Kanye???
In the words of the bible, “what good does it do a man to inherit the earth, if
he loses his soul?”
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